Balance

My scale must be broken! Its ability to gauge weight loss must be impaired because it has slowed down. Okay- I know the problem doesn’t lie with the scale-the problem is with my insistence on using the scale for my sole measurement of success.

I knew this day would come; I’ll leave it to the scientists to explain the physics behind this, but I know that the weight loss I can achieve when I have 100# to lose is greater week by week than now when I have 45# left. Nevertheless, it’s difficult to stay positive and motivated when my weight loss slows down. Of course, since much of my eating is tied to my emotions, I am drawn to eating to pacify myself. I don’t have a lot of quick junk in the house to eat. I used to slather ¼- ½  C of peanut butter on buttered bread and down a Diet Coke. Then I’d add a few cookies- the big Costco kind. I don’t know how many calories that is, but I’d venture it’s more than the 300 that I try to keep my meals at and certainly more than I need for a snack. So what does a needy girl do? First I popped some popcorn. Then I took some grated mozzarella cheese, put it on a plate, and microwaved it for 45 sec. It melts into a gooey, chewy substance. I must confess – it was good! But it wasn’t what I really needed.

I needed to look at my progress as a whole. I’ve taken off 80 pounds! I’ve changed not only my habits but my outlook about a healthy lifestyle. A co-worker recently asked me if I felt different. I know what she was getting at; she wanted me to describe improved energy and general health- she is overweight and suffers from poor health and fatigue. I have been blessed with good health, so she seemed disappointed when I said that the biggest difference I feel is inside. I fit better- physically and metaphorically. I relate to others on more levels. I am treating myself very well by committing to daily activity and thoughtfully planned meals. There is little to tap into my insecurities now as I too can share my experiences in exercise and training, and I can sympathize with those who struggle with their weight. I used to allow my weight to give me an excuse to separate myself from others. I would participate, and I assumed people were judging me because of my weight. I know what it is to face discrimination especially when someone who has never struggled with obesity assumes that weight loss of gain is a matter of willpower, yet I’d stay off to the side so people couldn’t get to know me better.

The confidence that I’ve gained has allowed me to experience a better life. So, when I get on the scale and it hasn’t budged, I can’t – I won’t go back to those insecure actions that prove I’ve let a number defeat me or define how I feel for the day. That number will decrease. It might take longer, but it will happen; however, it won’t happen if I crumble emotionally and focus on only one aspect of my weight loss journey.

There is a balance to all this. When one side of that balance, weight or clothes size, decreases, the other side increases. I have increased my health to the extent I no longer have to face the doctor with fear or trepidation. I have increased my fitness ability. I never thought I’d be considering a triathlon or doing jumping jacks. I’m saying things like, “I can try that.” What a powerful statement! If I could give one piece of advice, it would be to tell yourself that you can TRY anything. I have increased my ability to say I CAN.

The scale doesn’t measure that.